After a seemingly broad but actually quite narrow and pathetic amount of reading about pre-revolutionary Pennsylvania as well as a week of election buzz, I've decided that I want to run for office. This decision is based on several factors:
1. Everyone in pre-revolutionary Pennsylvania was doing it.
2. I don't really have other, better plans for the future.
3. I *heart* Skokie.
4. I do not heart Jan Schakowsky.
Why can't I run for office? I'm kind of educated, but not over-educated. I'm kind of conservative, but not over-conservative. I follow politics, but not over-much. I'm practical, but not a realist. I'm really, really, abnormally attached to my hometown. I'm tolerably photogenic. I can compromise. Plus, what matters for the ninth district is that I be Jewish and pro-Israel, and, conveniently, I am both. I also need to be pro-choice, and since I'm apathetic to choice, I can probably swing that as well. Unfortunately, I can't run as a Republican because, in the ninth district, Republican loosely equates with fascist, so I think I'll run as a Whig instead. Sebastian doesn't think that is a good idea, but he also says he wouldn't vote for me because I say "like" too much, so I don't plan to listen to his advice.
So that's the plan--the House of Representatives. Unfortunately, Schakowsky, despite being evil, owns the district and hasn't ever had a serious challenger (look at this year's energetic opponent). It might take a while to dislodge her. I figure if I start running in 2014, I might beat her by 2030, unless the Muslim population increases more rapidly than my campaign momentum.
Now, the question is how to position myself to be a serious challenger. I have a three-step plan for this as well. Step 1: Take over a school district in Niles Township. People trust principals. Step 2: Win the state senate seat. Step 3: Win the House seat. (Optional Step 4: STAGE COUP. TAKE OVER WORLD.)
But before I can execute my plan, I need to gain some practical political experience, and reading livejournals all day in a shitty DC think tank doesn't count. How will I gain practical political experience, you ask? Simple. I will launch a campaign to WIN BACK THE A-LEVEL! Alex and I were discussing this last night, and we decided our A-Level-less situation could no longer be tolerated. In protest, we plan to stage a study-in in the A-Level. We will gather with a group of other die-hard A-Levelers and refuse to leave the A-Level until the Library gives back the overnight study space in the Reg. Is this not a brilliant plan? We think so. I have a great political future, naysayers.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
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5 comments:
Rita, you're already a better candidate than Shannon because:
1. You'd obviously be willing to accept money for your cause.
2. Though you each have a girl's name, you actually are a girl.
3. You'd spell Cinderella correctly on the front page of your website if for some poorly thought out reason you decided to put it there.
You're underselling yourself - I think if you start in 2014 you can win by 2024.
I would also have more than two issues. And I would try to make sure that at least 50% of my proposals were not completely impossible to enact.
Are you being serious? That sounds pretty cool. I'd vote for you.
Rita give it a shot! You may be one person who can make a difference in the present political spectrum.
I would totally vote for you. Not because I believe in you or your platform, but because I live in California and am not actually eligible to vote in your race. And I love me some election fraud.
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