I think I am nurturing a new neurosis. Previously, my neuroses centered largely around getting good grades, understanding philosophy, and not inadvertently insulting various authority figures. This neurosis took up a lot of time and distracted me from dwelling too much on questions like, "Are my shoes cute?" My education was supposed to inoculate me against such bougie diseases.
Now that it's over though, and I have more aimless time and money, I find myself wondering, "Are my shoes cute?" I look around at other women's shoes in downtown DC. I decide mine are lacking. And then I start shopping for new ones. Basically, my new neurosis is consumption, followed by guilt about consumption, followed by shame that I have nothing better to do than buy stuff and spend money. When I feel particularly bad about this, I try to distract myself by reading books, most of which make me feel even guiltier for spending money because their characters are always serious people with serious lives, whereas I live a life of aimless frivolity. I don't study, I don't write, I don't do anything to help anyone. My job is interesting and fairly time-consuming, but it still leaves a lot of hours in the day to consider how I am like a large and highly mobile parasite that only consumes and discards. It's a dismal state of affairs.
And it's not entirely clear how I should resolve this problem. No one seems willing to allow me to tutor at their school, I can't think of anything to write about, and the Greek class I was going to enroll in at the community college turns out to charge $750 to non-residents. This is kind of like being in Greece, where there was also nothing to do except eat, shop, and sleep on the floors of various ferries in order to go places where we could look at yet more ruins or lie on yet more beaches. Except at least in Greece, there were more people to discuss this anomie with, and at least one class to fail at any given time.
I'm pretty sure that, in order to become a real person rather than an updated version of Gregor Samsa (Kafka's Cockroach 2.0 perhaps), I need to overcome this problem and stop spending all of my leisure buying things. But I also need to stop worrying whether my shoes are cute in the first place, so that I will stop wanting to buy new ones. How am I supposed to accomplish this, short of moving somewhere out of driving distance from an H&M?
Thursday, October 25, 2007
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14 comments:
Good luck getting outside of driving distance from an H&M.
Bougie!
And, you like those shoes? Don't tell me you've overcome your pointy toe bias?
You could train for a marathon.
Mark: Well, actually, given that I don't have a car, it might not be that difficult.
Julia: I know! And I'm over my point toe bias for work-related clothing. I like the black leather ones though, not the weird crocodile ones. The black ones aren't linkable for some reason.
Will: Just a different from of labor. I'm hoping to escape the life cycle and move into the realms of work or action.
Rita, were those shoes you have now, or ones that you are considering buying? They were fairly cute, even to my untrained eye (and black is clearly the best choice, being the new brown or something), but they look rather uncomfortable to me (as does anything with a heal over 1/2 inch).
Can't you volunteer at the historical society, or work on somebody's campaign, or take a photography class?
Yeah, actually taking a photography class is a great idea- you like photography, it is artistic so you can spend time pondering it, and it is expensive, so you will have less disposable income.
You will probably also meet annoying artsy types who you can blog about.
I am genius!
Rent in NYC has a way of taking care of the excess income problem; if not, a long commute from a cheaper area takes care of the excess time problem.
Hardlyb: They're the ones I want to buy. The heel is low. Given that all heels are uncomfortable, these are relatively less uncomfortable than most.
Alex: But if it's expensive, I probably won't bring myself to pay for it. Plus, if it's art, I'll be bad at it, and then I will be miserable and quit.
Phoebe: So the solution is to eliminate leisure altogether so that it can't be ill-spent?
I don't see what's wrong with a life of aimless frivolity. It won't last forever. In fact, it will end immediately upon entering grad school. Accumulate cute shoes now, while you can.
Julia's grad school application:
Resume
2003-2007: earned BA in Political Science
2007-2009: bought, like, cute shoes
I resent that. I have a job. One that happens to be semi-relevant to what I want to study, and doesn't pay me enough to live a life of aimless frivolity.
But you, with your flashy journalist-celebrity life, are a whole other story. I guess you should be worried. You might become a philistine.
No, I'm totally convinced that a photography class is the solution to your problem. You have to do it.
Also, I agree with Julia. When you are miserable and poor in grad school, you are going to regret not enjoying this more.
Fasting! Self-deprivation promotes self-improvement and thus is productive.
Go on 24 hour fasts, or fast from all animal products -- be creative.
A well-chosen grad school will understand that shoes are vital research expenses.
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