I'm not quite sure if this merits the label of first world problem or actual insanity, but it's pretty fantastic nonetheless: via Mark, Underground U of C fight club channels students’ WWE urges. Can you envision the scrawny U of C underclassmen, huddled in their parkas in the bare, frosty quad, warming their fingers on $1 coffee from Cobb, cheering students who are beating each other for no reason? "Get him! Crush him! Show no mercy!" they yell. But then they see the stronger boy pin the weaker one's arms. "Wait, no! Don't touch his wrists! He has very fragile wrists. How will he be able to finish his problem set tonight if you injure his wrists? No! Not his feet either! I read in JAMA recently that ankle tendon injuries can cause chronic difficulty with mobility. What are you doing? Not the abdomen! Don't you know that bruising to the kidney can result in irreparable renal damage?"
I'm totally going to stop blogging Maroon articles now. Totally.