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Wednesday, December 28, 2011

9th Congressional District news: new boundaries, same crazies.

Those of you familiar with my lingering hypothetical political ambitions will see why the new boundaries of the 9th District are so promising: all the areas added this year voted Republican in the 2010 House races. And what is the GOP doing with this promise? Running these people.

Remember the primary candidate from a few years ago whose entire platform consisted in opposing toll booths? He's evidently been reincarnated in this Atanus woman, who, in addition to claiming that market downturns are lies fabricated by "the Elite," is also unable to write in complete sentences. The other guy, after we put aside some minor grammatical errors, is a kind of acceptable fluffball, more interested in laying out his inarticulate political philosophy than any specific policies. "I believe in American Exceptionalism. This country was created with the idea of a specific destiny – that is to be an exceptional country based upon our unique American political system." Our destiny is to be exceptional based on our uniqueness. And, he would like to simplify the tax code somehow. Well, ok.

Why again am I not living in Skokie right now? The Joel Pollak strategy deserves a reprise effort under new conditions. Or at least, it deserves one more than the anti-tollbooth strategy does.

Monday, December 12, 2011

"You will remain there, incommunicado, until you are able to resume the exam."

TAs are required to read a script containing exam rules to all students before administering a final exam. It's quite long, but the best part is,
If you become ill during the exam, immediately contact an instructor. Note that a student who is present for any part of an exam is never entitled to a make-up exam. If you are too ill to continue the exam in the exam room you will be sent to University Health Services and will be seen by a doctor. If you are admitted to the Infirmary, you will remain there, incommunicado, until you are able to resume the exam. If you are seen by a doctor but the doctor does not feel that you are ill enough to be admitted to the Infirmary, you must go immediately and directly to the Science Center, room 112, and you will compete your exam there.
It goes on with detailed instructions about how to respond to a fire alarm ("stay together but do not discuss the exam"), but I've personally never managed to get past the part about being held incommunicado--either as reader or hearer of this text--without dissolving into giggles. I wonder if anyone's ever made it to this "room 112" during finals week.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Finals week, redux to infinity

What is about to be sent over my carrel wall to my neighbor in the facing carrel. Sorry peep, but it's gotta be said. Keep humming, et id [the airplane--no Latin for that, huh?] veniet tibi.