Monday, November 26, 2012

The care and maintenance of your pet glasses

Since this blog would not exist without my glasses (though it barely exists with them), I think it's only marginally inappropriate to share the following glasses-related notes with the public.

1. Buying cheapo prescription sunglasses (possibly made by lemmings out of Chinese glue?) online:
Since I wear real glasses all the time, switching between them and sunglasses is a big pain which I rarely have the good-health commitment to do regularly. So sunglasses are a low priority in my life, but the extreme, annoying sunniness of San Diego is hard to ignore. I bought a pair of prescription sunglasses about five years from Zenni, and they frankly looked like grandma glasses of the not-hip variety, so I rarely wore them and then the prescription became outdated. Recently, in response to the aforementioned climate exigencies and the need to drive in this sun-hell, I tried again. Zenni still seems to be the cheapest option for high-index lenses. After despairing over the dearth of product reviews online about these things, I settled on this pair (#823021) after finding this woman's flickr image sporting something similar and deciding that since she looked good, I would look good. Well, peeps, that's not how things work. This is in fact how they look:

Not terrible, but kind of large and suffering from the same problem as the old grandma goggles - totally flat across (you can see this in second photo). But for cheapness value, the prescription came out pretty well, so I am now wearing them. ($7! But actually, with high-index lenses and tint, more like $50.) If you see a bug-eyed blonde woman driving around San Diego clutching the steering wheel in fear, you will know, but please don't honk because that will cause me to stop in the middle of the street in terror and confusion, and get rear-ended. So this is a product review for any future desperate person who is also appalled by the lack of such things online for products that only exist online and that are near-impossible to return so must be gotten right the first time.

2. Getting rid of that white film that appears on plastic frames when they, no kidding, dry out:
Before switching to plastic frames in high school, I used to become annoyed when my metal frames would start growing what by all appearances was some kind of indestructible green mold on the rubber nose piece. Plastic frames fortunately do not suffer this fate, but they do apparently dry out and turn kind of white. Who knew that plastic had a preferred humidity? Anyway, the internet offers several improbable solutions to this problem: 1) wash them with dish soap, 2) sand them with fine-grained sanding paper, and 3) oil them with motorcycle lube. I offer the following replies: 1) DO NOT wash them with any soap; this will make the whiteness spread even more, 2) sanding them might work but I'm afraid to scratch the lenses so that will be a last resort, and 3) you know what more women have on hand than a can of WD-40? Chapstick. I am currently testing the much easier fix of slathering the frames with Burt's Bees and letting them sit (on my face, which admittedly is kind of a greasy proposition for me) and absorb at their leisure. So far, whiteness entirely gone, but I'm not sure how often they will be requiring this deep conditioning treatment.

Public service announcement for internet posterity complete.


arethusa said...

Is there some reason you won't try clip-ons? They're not all the big old-lady/just-had-eyedrops variety you see in drugstores. Amazon has a pretty wide variety that fit all shapes of lenses, so does Costco. Admittedly, clip-ons are often a pain to remove or put on quickly, but faster than switching real glasses with prescription sunglasses.

Miss Self-Important said...

Clip-ons?! That's even worse than granny goggles. I seek social approval in my eyeware.

alex said...

i tried the chapstick thing just now and it didn't work, but now my glasses are sticky and they smell funny.

Miss Self-Important said...

Oh. It's worked for me a couple times now. Maybe your glasses require sanding then?