Unfortunately, you can't read anything from the birth of the blog because leaving anything from my first year of college online unattended would be a Bad Idea. You will have to take it on faith that my writing has been immensely improved largely through the single innovation of desisting from profanity, as initially advised by my father and implemented when corroborated by a professor a year or two later. Other poor habits, like Random Emphatic Capitalization, crept in later. But, to celebrate this blogiversary, I will try to divert attention away from my own humiliating stupidities of 10 years ago and towards the following fond remembrance of the U of C pre-frosh message board circa September 2003, a couple weeks before we began college. I think this thing (mercifully) no longer exists, but it was uncannily indicative of what was to come for 18 year-old Miss Self-Important in the subsequent decade:
SEPTEMBER 12, 2003
The longer the wait, the more people I come to hate. So I've decided it's time to share the wealth of mofo-ing pretension that can be found daily at the UChicago message boards.
Things That They Are:
"As a quasi-communist, I..."
"I'm a determinist, so I don't think people have free will..."
"Speaking from the point of view of a deconstructionist..."
"Well, as a moral relativist who sees the illogic in saying that "right" and "wrong" are universal and absolute, I..."
"As a reductive materialist, I..."
Things That They Believe:
"I'm in favor of guns because I want to be able to defend myself. Not against street thugs or whatever, but against the police. That's why I love groups like the Black Panther Party..."
"I personally get just as offended by gay pride shirts, and american flags. Then again, it's not quite offense -- I'm just clued in to the biased and hindered mind of the displayer."
"One needs to do whatever one needs to do to get what one needs done. If that means killing a baby, so be it. Life is not precious."
"Ontogeny doesn't recapitulate phylogeny."
"Sociologically, it's well-confirmed that different ethnicities face different variable matrices, so it follows that when those variables are abstractly manipulated, like a Shakespeare work, the reaction will differ."
"I have achieved Enlightenment."
And for good measure...
"I'm speaking purely philosophically."
Also, this is for Julia, if she's still reading:
SEPTEMBER 18, 2003Not minutia, as it turned out.
I'm mostly packed, but now I'm starting to worry about minutia like soap dishes.