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Wednesday, February 20, 2013

First world problems: No nap space in Harvard Yard

Omg peeps, do you know how hard life is when you don't have a "designated nap space" within one mile of you at all times? Basically unlivable. Sure, there's the library, or your dorm room, or even your lecture hall to sleep in. But these are not designated nap spaces. They're only makeshift nap spaces. What kind of self-respecting Harvard student would deign to nap in a place not marked out for napping,* and how can he possibly be expected to study or learn effectively without such provisions?

My suggestions for future student demand that would "enhance productivity": complimentary professional spa services, individualized course assistants who walk students through their assignments or possibly do the assignments for them to spare them the stress of personal responsibility, and campus rickshaw service to save the time it takes to walk from one end of the Yard to the other or, even more arduously, from the Yard all the way to CGIS or SEAS, so that students can get more done in the few minutes they save. As for spaces, I propose building several "hot tub spaces" in the Yard for relaxation, and maybe a ball pit or two, along with the installation of a playground, some low-impact carnival rides, and other diversions that would help students achieve better "work/life balance." Also, obviously, a comfortable and well-equipped "sex space" is in order, for the ultimate in relaxation and stress relief. It goes without saying that all these improvements ought to be located inside the Yard, because as we've seen, traveling more than 200 ft for something is an outrageous demand on busy, hard-working students.

Miss Self-Important also fully endorses the proposal for more "brain breaks," whatever those are, for the very important reasons presented:
As a Drug and Alcohol Peer Advisor, Margaret E. Crane ’14, who proposed the petition, questioned why brain break isn’t offered on weekend nights. “Providing students with food past 7 p.m. will allow them to have a full stomach if they choose to drink, and create a social space in the dining hall,” Crane said.
Harvard has failed to facilitate student drinking every night of the week, and that is without a doubt an instance of almost criminal neglect.


* This is very similar to the perennial undergrad complaint that Harvard lacks "social spaces." I have never understood what this could possibly mean, because I have never had the slightest problem finding places to meet people on and around campus, and as a grad student, I don't even have access to any of the dorm spaces or dining halls available to the undergrads. But maybe the problem with all the dozens of libraries, cafes, and multipurpose rooms full of overstuffed chairs on campus is that they lack signs proclaiming, "THIS IS WHERE YOU ARE PERMITTED TO SOCIALIZE," and the undergrads are paralyzed without such explicit instructions.

8 comments:

Withywindle said...

I think this is relevant:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1CB-D1TtXc

Miss Self-Important said...

I don't understand - is Harvard colonized by wankers? Or are we, the general population who must put up with Harvard, like the put-upon Scottish?

Withywindle said...

The latter.

Miss Self-Important said...

You're obviously insensitive to the grueling difficulties of Harvard life. As one of the commenters points out, "every time students want to improve their situation to enhance their productivity, it's really not your place to point and call out "spoiled brats." Something tells me you have no idea how hard some of us have worked throughout our lives to get here, and I guarantee you you have no idea how hard some people work once they are actually here."

See, some wankers work very hard, Withy. And the rest nap in designated pods.

alex said...

Gtown does not facilitate my eating, socializing, or enjoyment of campus in any way, and I resent them a surprising amount for it. I may also have some displaced resentment towards them though.

Miss Self-Important said...

Is this b/c it lacks the requisite amenities, or b/c you don't have time to use them?

Sigivald said...

ON the food thing.... I guess Harvard students who want to drink later can't just get a sandwich ahead of time?

Or leave the farkin' campus to get a bite?

(Assuming that works? I'd think it should.)

Miss Self-Important said...

No, that's like asking them to sleep in their bedrooms. Please. It is the university's job to facilitate optimally convenient sleep, eating, etc. And optimal convenience is 24/7 omnipresent availability.